Run, Francis, Run

So I've had an interesting relationship with physical fitness. While I appreciate the benefits of staying fit, the shadow of middle-school gym has always loomed large, preventing me from really enjoying the experience of exercise. When I don't think about it, it's enjoyable...but when I get the slightest bit self conscious, memories of being picked on, being called unmentionable and emasculating names, and being the last one picked on the team come flooding back to the fore. As a result, I'm quite neurotic about it.

For the past couple years, I've been much better at exercise and eating better, and as I result I'm 25 pounds lighter than I was. But I feel, for my health and self-image, I have more to go...and yet, I have this hang-up. I hate hang-ups, and I don't see the value in holding myself back from something because of some irrational fear. You could say I have a hang-up about having hang-ups. Whatever; I've decided I need to overcome this hang-up.

Maybe the gym isn't for me...perhaps the smells, the clatter, the obnoxious preening of men and women in the strength training area, and the driving are such a turn off that it has become a persistent disincentive for me. Coupled with the periodic anxiety I have recalling the traumas of my teenage years, it's little wonder I go at all.

Some time ago, I listened to a gerontologist talking on NPR about the effect of physical fitness on the aging process. The doctor stressed his belief that human bodies should work like a good, cheap watch: despite some wear and tear, they keep on ticking until the battery dies and then it's over. He disputed the notion that some people can spend 20 to 30 years dying slowly (from diabetes or heart problems, for example) as being the normal course of human life. The answer? Exercise. I have no idea how long I will live, but if I'm in my 70s and I happen to have both my arms and legs, if I want to go on a hike, I should be able to. I don't want to spend my retirement confined by chronic health problems if I can avoid it. And to the extent that I can avoid it, I will. Hence the need to overcome the hang-up.

Despite my hang-up, one thing I've always wanted to attempt was a good, long run, just to say I could do it. I've heard so many people speak of marathons as powerful and possibly even life-changing experiences. Besides, running more than 26 miles is indeed a tremendous accomplishment, and it might be something worth doing before I die. These are the things that make life meaningful and exciting.

I'm not ready to say, "I will run a marathon, because, honestly, I can hardly run to answer the telephone. But I am ready to say, "I want to take running seriously as a means of incorporating fitness and health into my life." And why not? It's cheap, it gives me an excuse to wander about the City and, most importantly, it doesn't require a gym. Plus I've heard runners talk about how good they feel, even after a short run. Apparently it's a little addictive.

So, last night, I ran. Seriously ran, for the first time since high school. OK so half the time I was stumbling, but by goodness I tried. As a symbolic gesture of overcoming past neuroses, I ran on a high school track near my house. Eight times around the track, or about two miles, in 30 minutes. I was slow and it was probably ugly to watch, but I did it. The first two laps were fine, the second two were painful, but by lap five something cool happened: the sun was setting, the mountains were becoming a silhouette against the evening sky, the Coldlplay album "Viva La Vida" was blasting in my ears, and all of a sudden, everything was perfect. I ran (stumbled -- and walked occasionally) the remaining three laps. I can't tell you how good it felt afterward. I cannot recall a time when my body felt so happy or energized. This is something I will definitely continue doing, but I think I need to spring some money on good shoes before too long.

I've decided to try a modification of Hal Higdon's 30/30 program for beginning runners. I'll keep you posted on how it goes. I'm going back out there tonight.

Knowing me, I'll be tempted to settle out of the routine, so any encouragement you can offer will be much appreciated!